Damn dream

I keep having this stupid dream. and its pissing me off. It always starts the same. I am going to meet a friend somewhere. Each time I have the dream who I am meeting changes. Anyway. I either get on a bus or stop at a sidewalk cafe and sit down. A beautiful woman sits close by and pulls out a cell phone. I am reading my book and do not wish to be bothered with anyone. The woman is arguing with someone on her phone. I try to ignore it and coninue reading. After a few moments she puts her phone away and just sits there. I can feel her eyes boring into my cheek. I try to avoid looking at her but eventually I look up. She smiles. I do not. I am determined not to get sucked into it again. I start back to reading my book. My internal sensor tells me that things are not kosher here. I look up again. She has moved a seat closer to me. 'NO' I scream mentally and go back to my book. I am not actually reading it now, so much as I am trying to focus my attention away from her. Suddenly I notice the light has changed. I look up from the pages and she is sitting very near me. She is truly beautiful. My heart pounds in my chest, and inside I can hear the voice screaming. 'No, no no. Dont do this again. You know what happens' This time when I look at her she speaks. I try to make small talk and say little. She tells me her name and all about her life. As much as I try to keep her distant her life and words move me. She asks about me and I find myself spilling the seeds of my life to her. We talk and we laugh, all the time I am hating myself for not pushing her away. I want to touch her. I can smell the clover in her hair. Her skin smells of fresh soap and bath oils, and I truly want to take hold of her and give her everything I have. But still I hear that screaminng voice in my head, 'dont do it. You know she will just leave like the others' Sometimes we kiss in between talks and hold hands. Nothing more. After what seems like minutes, but is actually days, she begins to look sad. I ask what is wrong. she looks down as if embarrased to speak. Calmly I cox her to speak. "Why dont you love me?" I always start to respond. I never really know what I am going to say. I know I am not going to tell her how I feel, that much is for sure. Its a bad idea to day say I feel. I dont know why, but it is. We hold hands as I try to think of something. I stare at the top of her head and listen to my heart pound in my temples. Just as I am about to speak... I wake up. Always. Sucks dont it.