Home Invasion

Home Invasion I went to the kitchen after checking my email and there he was, in my kitchen, eating my toast. "How the hell did you get in here?" I bellowed at him. He didnt answer. He just stared at me with his cold black eyes. I cursed myself for leaving the door open when I took out the trash. this would be a lesson I would not soon forget. I started forward and reached towards the counter for something to throw. My home intruder barreled to his right and ran towards the stove."NO YOU DONT, YOU FUCK!" I yelled as I charged forward. He saw me moving towards him and began to back away towards the dishes where the utinsils were drying. If he could reach them, before I got there, I would have a real hell of a time getting him. I threw a qwick kick to my right and knocked the dish-rack back a few inches. This started him and he charged right at me. I backpedaled to keep him from getting on me. No way did I want this dirty bastard touching me. As I stumbled backwards he lost footing and fell to his right. Without time to react he hit the floor with a wet smack. "AH HA!" I screamed. looking to my left and right all I saw was a can of air freshener. Emboldened I grabed for it and came up empty handed. Meanwhile my "guest" had shaken off his stun from the fall and was righting himself to run. As luck would have it he ran right towards me. Realizing my oppertunity I stepped forward and kicked as had as I could. It was a beautiful kick. It caught him square in the face and lauched him backwards into the wall. Stunned again he spasmodically twiched his legs. Now I know some people are all about non-violence, and all. BUT this was my house and that bitch was eating my toast. The more I watched his legs twitching as he tried to fight the murky haze in his head, the more angry I became. Full of rage at having my home tresspassed, I stomped over to him. Looking down into his cold black eyes, I lifted my foot and brought it down in a crashing boom. He was dead. His skull smashed and his cranial cavity leaking fluid I smiled. I won. He had come uninvited into my home, and now he would never do this again. Life is good. And that dear friends is how I killed a large tree beetle in my kitchen. :)