Some days

This is going to be a rambling post. I have not been here for a while and I need to put my thoughts down someplace. I expect few to understand and fewer answers. But I am plauged with a wondering. Does bad luck exist? Can a person be cursed to exoerience only a negative side to things? and if so why? What persuades the universe to make a whipping boy out of one being? I dont know. Wish I did. And then there is the other thing. Someone said, "thats your problem. Stop trying to help the world and do something for you" Now how does one do that? At what point does your brain take a left turn and stop saying, "consider thier feelings" and start saying, "fuck them"? I am faced with a real delimna in life. I have 4 choices. All are good, but three people get hurt no matter what. So how does one choose who to save? Who has the right to be the one? I know, I know. Pick one and let the others be to thier own path. Yeah. I know that too. But that doesnt make choosing easier. Yeah, yeah, you dont have to say it. Truth is I already chose. Just a part of me wants to see what I am going to be missing. And I cant do that once I make the choice public. And this goes beyond just some choice of the day. Its about lots of things. Inability to choose out of fear of doing damage. The desire to make everybody happy. None of these are healthy. Problem is it isnt something you just turn off and say Im done. Its a part of personality and psyche. So it creeps in when you arent looking. So its an uphill fight. And with life kicking me in the pants these past two weeks it aint easy. Some days I just wanna walk away and pretend I was never here.

Its a Hate-Crime! STUPID!

How the fuck can they do this? HOW IN THE FUCK CAN THEY DO THIS? How the hell do you condone, support, or even empathize with this? Full Story here Witnesses say the attackers were all black and called their victims “white crackers” during the bloody melee, which raged for almost 20 minutes. “This is not being looked at as a bias crime,” NYPD Deputy Inspector Kevin McGinn said at the meeting. Folks this makes me hurt, angry and embarrased. These people beat and stomped 4 young girls while shoutting 'Martin Luther King, and white crackers'. And it is wrong for so many reasons. First of all Martin Luther King was not about violence. He would never advocate beating anyone for any reason. He was about ending violence and treating each other as equals, and respecting each other as beings. And I am sure the fact that someone used his name while commiting a hate crime hurts his soul and his family. Is this what I worked my whole life for? To have the dignity and respect I work for torn away from me by some hairless monkeys? I hear black people all the time that wonder, or complain about 'white treatment'. Then this happens. Is it any wonder that so much of society does not want any relation, or interaction with Black Americans? Can you blame people for crossing the street when they see me comming? Or for clutching thier purses a little tighter as I pass? When you have people like this around its no wonder I am reduced to being 'black guy' whenn I walk own the street. Now a bunch of people are saying that if it was the other way around it would have been an issue the media would jump on. And they are right. And that makes the whole thing hurt just that much more. We want to be equals. Not special cases. Not exceptions. Equals. If its wrong for Billy Bob, then its wrong for Jaleel too. Thats the way it is supposed to work. For the city officials to ignore or downplay it is unforgiveable. Its a hate crime. It was wrong. I dont care if half the fucking city burns down in the resulting riot. A group of black people attacked a group of white people for no reason other than color. They go to prison. It doesnt matter if they are 6, 16, or 26, its wrong. Black, white, yellow, green, orange, or fuchia. ITS WRONG. They go to prison. These kids were wrong for what they did. The court was in use and they could have waited thier turn or gone someplace else. This wasnt right. You dont stomp and kick someone because they wouldnt let you play basketball. You dont hurt people for petty bullshit. You dont slander thier color. They didnt get a choice on the wrapper they came in. What you do is go do something to elevate the relations. Something to maintain or increase the respect and integrity that so many of us are trying to build everyday.

Please dont pee on the couch

' 34-stone (476lb) woman dies after becoming fused to the fabric' Now thats just nasty. How the hell can you get so fat and gross that you fuse into a couch? I mean WTF? Do you just sit there and pee and shit on yourself? How in the Blue Hell do you sit down in one spot and not move for six fucking years? What do you do? I mean I picture this lady sitting on the couch tempting girlscouts to get close so she can devour them. She weighed 34 stone! Thats 476 fucking pounds! And she was married! Her husband said he would never make her move. Why the fuck not? Did he enjoy waiting on this fleshy behemoth hand and foot. I mean damn. You come home from a hard days work of getting your ass ragged all day and you gotta go home to this stank cow and change her pee jar! I tell ya he is a better man than me. Two weeks. Thats all she would get. Just two fucking weeks. Then its, "Sweety. Love you but if you dont get up and wash your ass Im gonna BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT! And when you finish that clean this fucking house! And STOP PEEING ON THE FUCKING FURNITURE!" And if you dont want to be mean. Then you just wait till she goes to sleep and grab a crowbar and pry her ass loose! Geez, I mean come on. You dont enble someone to do this. And I love the last statement. 'Police have now sealed off the house and began questioning family members over possible charges of neglect'. NEGLECT? NEGLECT? Yeah right. Listen if I leave you in a room and you dont move your ass for a week, you are going to fucking starve cause I sure as hell aint gonna feed you.

More than I can handle

Gmail is getting bigger. I logged in today to find that I now have 2 gigs of space. And I dont know what to do with it. I mean two gigs of mail space. Hell, I barely used 30 megs. And 25 of that was people sending me screenshots of stuff. Now Im upto TWO GIGS. And I still have 50 Invitations. I dont know 50 people I like enough to talk to, let alone invite. What the hell? I guess I could do the cheaty thing and send a message to another address and make a box for a different name. But seems kinda.....I dont know. Makes me feel like I am stealing.

But I have to fiond something to do with these 50 invites. Got any ideas?

 

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- The only thing that is humiliating is helplessness. -
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